So I have so many things that I want to write on here about the children, but I'm not allowed to. So in the past month or so I've sent out 2 different emails to friends and family and then it occurred to me that maybe a few more of you might like to be included on the email?
If you would, please just shoot me an email at ka.sansom@gmail.com and I'll add you to my list!
Saturday, July 21, 2012
Tuesday, May 8, 2012
Crash Course in Parenting
So, after months of not posting I'm trying to get one done this morning in the midst of PARENTING. That's right. Tres and I are parents. At least temporarily. We don't know how long it will last for, but while it does we have our hands full!
Last Monday night we got a call from our Foster Agency saying there was a 3 year old boy and 3 month old girl who needed emergency placement. I was out when I got the call, Tres was not with me, and for some reason I said yes that we would take them! Call it a weak moment perhaps. At 10pm that night, the case worker brought the kiddos. They were exhausted, scared, sad, wanting to go home. Well, the 3 year old was anyway.
But I have to say with a week under our belts, we're doing great. The 3 year old, is very funny, very sweet, polite, and for the most part agreeable. He has his moments as all 3 year olds do, but for the most part he is nothing but a joy. And especially in the last couple of days because he and Tres have really connected. The kid will get up into his lap and ride around with him. Tres is mostly totally independent with him because he can do so much for himself. Totally potty trained and very independent. Pretty much the only thing he can't do is buckle himself in the car, but he can unbuckle himself! So they've been doing all sorts of things together lately.
Baby girl is very sweet and very easy going as well. Her biggest issue was that she was used to being held CONSTANTLY. I mean constantly. Even to sleep. I'm happy to report that in the last week I've retrained her pretty well. Of course she still gets held a lot, she is only 3 months old (don't want anyone to think she isn't getting held) but she is learning to be content in a bouncy seat and to be laid down before she is asleep and she is doing very well. She's sleeping most of the way through the night! Most nights she's gotten up around 3 or 3:30 to eat, but today she didn't wake up until 5:30! So that was exciting. Of course, 5:30 is right in the middle of Tres' morning routine, so it isn't ideal, but it's a step towards all night sleeping. Thankfully Ira has been here every morning to help with Tres. It makes a huge difference.
So we are doing great, we are loving being parents for however long this lasts. We'll know after this Friday what the outlook is so I'll try to update the blog again after that. I wish I could post pictures of the kids so you could all see how cute they are! But unfortunately we aren't allowed to show their faces on the internet, so I guess you all just will have to come and visit! :)
Last Monday night we got a call from our Foster Agency saying there was a 3 year old boy and 3 month old girl who needed emergency placement. I was out when I got the call, Tres was not with me, and for some reason I said yes that we would take them! Call it a weak moment perhaps. At 10pm that night, the case worker brought the kiddos. They were exhausted, scared, sad, wanting to go home. Well, the 3 year old was anyway.
But I have to say with a week under our belts, we're doing great. The 3 year old, is very funny, very sweet, polite, and for the most part agreeable. He has his moments as all 3 year olds do, but for the most part he is nothing but a joy. And especially in the last couple of days because he and Tres have really connected. The kid will get up into his lap and ride around with him. Tres is mostly totally independent with him because he can do so much for himself. Totally potty trained and very independent. Pretty much the only thing he can't do is buckle himself in the car, but he can unbuckle himself! So they've been doing all sorts of things together lately.
Baby girl is very sweet and very easy going as well. Her biggest issue was that she was used to being held CONSTANTLY. I mean constantly. Even to sleep. I'm happy to report that in the last week I've retrained her pretty well. Of course she still gets held a lot, she is only 3 months old (don't want anyone to think she isn't getting held) but she is learning to be content in a bouncy seat and to be laid down before she is asleep and she is doing very well. She's sleeping most of the way through the night! Most nights she's gotten up around 3 or 3:30 to eat, but today she didn't wake up until 5:30! So that was exciting. Of course, 5:30 is right in the middle of Tres' morning routine, so it isn't ideal, but it's a step towards all night sleeping. Thankfully Ira has been here every morning to help with Tres. It makes a huge difference.
So we are doing great, we are loving being parents for however long this lasts. We'll know after this Friday what the outlook is so I'll try to update the blog again after that. I wish I could post pictures of the kids so you could all see how cute they are! But unfortunately we aren't allowed to show their faces on the internet, so I guess you all just will have to come and visit! :)
Wednesday, March 21, 2012
We never thought...
I can honestly say we never thought we'd do this. (Especially me)
For a long time we've been wanting to re-vamp the way we eat.
Last year after Christmas we went on this "protein diet" that a lot of people in our church was doing. We lost a bunch of weight really fast! It was fantastic. I even got down to size 6 jeans and shorts by the time Easter came around. Never been that small in my adult life.
But, then summer came. Our lives get busier in the summer because of Tres' job at the camp, traveling with the youth, Mary Kay Seminar, and going to Maine. All of that hit, and our eating went out the window and never recovered. Plus, I was sick to death of salad. I'm not really a big fan of salad anyway, and since that's mainly what we'd eaten (or at least it felt that way) I just couldn't do it anymore.
So this year as the New Year turned over, we had been talking about changing our lifestyle. Eating less processed foods, more whole foods and veggies (even though we always ate a lot of veggies before too) Just being more mindful of it. Less Mexican (our weakness). But without an actual plan of action, it's way too easy to fall off the wagon.
And then it happened...
Our friends Max and Beth changed their eating drastically. Literally overnight. They cut meat out of their diet. You could almost call it Vegan (but don't freak out on me....it's not actually vegan). Now let me tell you something about Max and Beth. They are anti-diet. They love meat. They love eating things that taste good. They cannot and will not eat things that don't taste good. They outright refuse. I've watched them do it. They are some of the most anti-diet food people I've ever met. And that's saying something because I know plenty of anti-diet people, myself included.
Tres kept talking to me about the fact that we should do what they're doing. But I was not so sure. I couldn't imagine cutting out meat!
Then, I spent a Sunday in the nursery at church with Beth and started asking her about it. She told me about this documentary they watched called Forks Over Knives. She said they happened upon it on Netflix and watched it and Max turned to her and said "we need to do this". Which is a powerful statement coming from Max.
So Beth gave me all the details. The studies behind cancer, diabetes, hypertension, just to name a few. How these doctors in this documentary have found definite links between diet and the rise of eating all animal products. How you can look at the rise of cancer and other serious diseases in the United States and it all correlates perfectly with the US Government pushing meats and dairy as important foods on us starting back in the 40's and 50's. How a major study in China done showed definite correlation between urban areas (with western diets) had significantly higher cancer rates than rural areas where they mainly ate off the land and water. Fascinating stuff. She told me to watch the documentary for myself and see what I thought.
So Tres and I watched it. Before we did though, we'd pretty much decided that we needed to lessen the amount of animal products we took in, but that going cold turkey was just unrealistic.
Then we watched the video. And we changed our minds in that 90 minutes.
I will say that we eat what we want when we're out. It isn't realistic to think that 100% of the time you will eat animal free. And what's the fun in eating out if you can't order what you want, right?
But at home, we are 100% Whole Foods Plant Based. Even our coffee, no more creamer. We put Almond Milk in it which we really love. I like it better than creamer believe it or not, and with the Almond Milk I don't need sugar. Double bonus! We do still add fish from time to time at home. But instead of one piece of fish for each of us, we split one piece of fish between us.
So what have we noticed in the 6-ish weeks we've been eating like this? Well, I've lost about 6-7lbs. We feel better overall. Or at least, when we don't eat like this we don't feel good at all. But we are less hungry in between meals. We just realized yesterday that Tres has taken a lot less medications. We wondered if a decrease in his medication would be an outcome, but it's hard to tell on a day to day basis. But the other day we received a phone call from the pharmacy saying that one of his meds was due to refill. In the time we've been married the pharmacy has never called us. We've always ordered it ahead of time out of need. And this medication that they called about...we still had quite a bunch left. So, we're pretty excited about that. The other thing medicine wise we've noticed is that he hasn't had to take as many acid reducers. Where that used to be a somewhat regular occurrence.
The most common question I've received from people is 1. "isn't it more expensive?" Followed by 2. "Aren't you eating the same thing all the time?" and 3. "Isn't it harder to prepare meals?" and 4. "aren't you missing protein in your diet?"
I'll answer them in order:
1. We haven't found yet that it is. Although we don't buy all organic yet. There is a Whole Foods being built in our area, and once it's opened we're going to do a cost comparison to see just how much produce we can buy at Whole Foods instead of HEB.
2. No. Not at all actually. Aided by the fact that my husband went out and researched Vegan Cookbooks. Yes, I said it wasn't Vegan and it isn't. But it's close. The difference is that Vegan's eat a whole of processed crap. Oils, fake meats, tofu, etc. Along with their veggies and rice and beans. So we skip that stuff. And thanks to the cookbooks and countless online recipes we have a whole array of stuff. I think in 6 weeks we've only repeated a few meals once or twice and every other meal has been new. Of course we're trying out a whole lot of meals to see if we can compile a new set of family favorites. And let me tell you, about 90% of it so far has been amazing. The other 10% I won't make again. But the 90% we've liked, we can honestly say that we don't feel like we're missing a thing. Even my Texas-born, meat-eating husband. He's loving this.
3. Nope. It's no different. We bought a rice maker, which I use about 1/2 the time I make rice, the other 1/2 I prepare on the stove. Just depends on the meal. We buy dry beans (so cheap!) and I decide the night before what I'm making the next day and soak the appropriate beans ahead of time so they're ready the next day (then they just require about an hour or so of boiling, so if you aren't home during the day you'll have to just plan ahead one extra day). And especially the help with the aforementioned cookbooks I am so excited to prepare food most of the time. I mean, I'm not jumping up and down, but I enjoy cooking so much more now than I did before. Isn't that interesting? I feel like we're eating healthy, it's all fresh and ripe, and it's all made the house smell amazing.
4. Not according to "Forks Over Knives". According to them there are two things that American's don't know. First that there is a lot more protein in vegetables than we think and secondly that we don't need nearly as much protein as we think we do. They use the example of rural asian cultures. They're poor. They eat a lot of rice and veggies that they grow right? They split a single piece of fish between an entire family. And they live long, healthy, lean lives. Tres and I have also added Chia seeds to our diet. We put it on our cereal, and when we think of it other meals too. Chia seeds are packed full of protein and antioxidants.
So anyway, we see this as a life long change. We love eating like this. Watch the video, decide for yourself!
For a long time we've been wanting to re-vamp the way we eat.
Last year after Christmas we went on this "protein diet" that a lot of people in our church was doing. We lost a bunch of weight really fast! It was fantastic. I even got down to size 6 jeans and shorts by the time Easter came around. Never been that small in my adult life.
But, then summer came. Our lives get busier in the summer because of Tres' job at the camp, traveling with the youth, Mary Kay Seminar, and going to Maine. All of that hit, and our eating went out the window and never recovered. Plus, I was sick to death of salad. I'm not really a big fan of salad anyway, and since that's mainly what we'd eaten (or at least it felt that way) I just couldn't do it anymore.
So this year as the New Year turned over, we had been talking about changing our lifestyle. Eating less processed foods, more whole foods and veggies (even though we always ate a lot of veggies before too) Just being more mindful of it. Less Mexican (our weakness). But without an actual plan of action, it's way too easy to fall off the wagon.
And then it happened...
Our friends Max and Beth changed their eating drastically. Literally overnight. They cut meat out of their diet. You could almost call it Vegan (but don't freak out on me....it's not actually vegan). Now let me tell you something about Max and Beth. They are anti-diet. They love meat. They love eating things that taste good. They cannot and will not eat things that don't taste good. They outright refuse. I've watched them do it. They are some of the most anti-diet food people I've ever met. And that's saying something because I know plenty of anti-diet people, myself included.
Tres kept talking to me about the fact that we should do what they're doing. But I was not so sure. I couldn't imagine cutting out meat!
Then, I spent a Sunday in the nursery at church with Beth and started asking her about it. She told me about this documentary they watched called Forks Over Knives. She said they happened upon it on Netflix and watched it and Max turned to her and said "we need to do this". Which is a powerful statement coming from Max.
So Beth gave me all the details. The studies behind cancer, diabetes, hypertension, just to name a few. How these doctors in this documentary have found definite links between diet and the rise of eating all animal products. How you can look at the rise of cancer and other serious diseases in the United States and it all correlates perfectly with the US Government pushing meats and dairy as important foods on us starting back in the 40's and 50's. How a major study in China done showed definite correlation between urban areas (with western diets) had significantly higher cancer rates than rural areas where they mainly ate off the land and water. Fascinating stuff. She told me to watch the documentary for myself and see what I thought.
So Tres and I watched it. Before we did though, we'd pretty much decided that we needed to lessen the amount of animal products we took in, but that going cold turkey was just unrealistic.
Then we watched the video. And we changed our minds in that 90 minutes.
I will say that we eat what we want when we're out. It isn't realistic to think that 100% of the time you will eat animal free. And what's the fun in eating out if you can't order what you want, right?
But at home, we are 100% Whole Foods Plant Based. Even our coffee, no more creamer. We put Almond Milk in it which we really love. I like it better than creamer believe it or not, and with the Almond Milk I don't need sugar. Double bonus! We do still add fish from time to time at home. But instead of one piece of fish for each of us, we split one piece of fish between us.
So what have we noticed in the 6-ish weeks we've been eating like this? Well, I've lost about 6-7lbs. We feel better overall. Or at least, when we don't eat like this we don't feel good at all. But we are less hungry in between meals. We just realized yesterday that Tres has taken a lot less medications. We wondered if a decrease in his medication would be an outcome, but it's hard to tell on a day to day basis. But the other day we received a phone call from the pharmacy saying that one of his meds was due to refill. In the time we've been married the pharmacy has never called us. We've always ordered it ahead of time out of need. And this medication that they called about...we still had quite a bunch left. So, we're pretty excited about that. The other thing medicine wise we've noticed is that he hasn't had to take as many acid reducers. Where that used to be a somewhat regular occurrence.
The most common question I've received from people is 1. "isn't it more expensive?" Followed by 2. "Aren't you eating the same thing all the time?" and 3. "Isn't it harder to prepare meals?" and 4. "aren't you missing protein in your diet?"
I'll answer them in order:
1. We haven't found yet that it is. Although we don't buy all organic yet. There is a Whole Foods being built in our area, and once it's opened we're going to do a cost comparison to see just how much produce we can buy at Whole Foods instead of HEB.
2. No. Not at all actually. Aided by the fact that my husband went out and researched Vegan Cookbooks. Yes, I said it wasn't Vegan and it isn't. But it's close. The difference is that Vegan's eat a whole of processed crap. Oils, fake meats, tofu, etc. Along with their veggies and rice and beans. So we skip that stuff. And thanks to the cookbooks and countless online recipes we have a whole array of stuff. I think in 6 weeks we've only repeated a few meals once or twice and every other meal has been new. Of course we're trying out a whole lot of meals to see if we can compile a new set of family favorites. And let me tell you, about 90% of it so far has been amazing. The other 10% I won't make again. But the 90% we've liked, we can honestly say that we don't feel like we're missing a thing. Even my Texas-born, meat-eating husband. He's loving this.
3. Nope. It's no different. We bought a rice maker, which I use about 1/2 the time I make rice, the other 1/2 I prepare on the stove. Just depends on the meal. We buy dry beans (so cheap!) and I decide the night before what I'm making the next day and soak the appropriate beans ahead of time so they're ready the next day (then they just require about an hour or so of boiling, so if you aren't home during the day you'll have to just plan ahead one extra day). And especially the help with the aforementioned cookbooks I am so excited to prepare food most of the time. I mean, I'm not jumping up and down, but I enjoy cooking so much more now than I did before. Isn't that interesting? I feel like we're eating healthy, it's all fresh and ripe, and it's all made the house smell amazing.
4. Not according to "Forks Over Knives". According to them there are two things that American's don't know. First that there is a lot more protein in vegetables than we think and secondly that we don't need nearly as much protein as we think we do. They use the example of rural asian cultures. They're poor. They eat a lot of rice and veggies that they grow right? They split a single piece of fish between an entire family. And they live long, healthy, lean lives. Tres and I have also added Chia seeds to our diet. We put it on our cereal, and when we think of it other meals too. Chia seeds are packed full of protein and antioxidants.
So anyway, we see this as a life long change. We love eating like this. Watch the video, decide for yourself!
Tuesday, February 28, 2012
Church blog
I think I forgot to post a link to Tres' last church blog, and here is my latest one as well!
http://companions-at-prf.blogspot.com/2012/02/believe.html
http://companions-at-prf.blogspot.com/2012/02/angel-face.html
http://companions-at-prf.blogspot.com/2012/02/believe.html
http://companions-at-prf.blogspot.com/2012/02/angel-face.html
A visit from Alex!
What a wonderful surprise it was to get a text from Alex about 2 weeks ago telling me he was going to be in Austin for a few days!! So, last week he showed up!
He came because a group called Tuesday's Children was in town working with Habitat for Humanity. Tuesday's Children is one of the last remaining 9/11 groups, focused on working with the children of 9/11. He got to know them while working on the movie.
One of the days I was able to go and work with them too! It was so awesome to get to meet them all and work with them for a day.
Here are some pics from it!
Alex with two of the ladies who run Tuesday's Children
We did get to spend some time at home too! Alex got to spend some time with Lily, our niece. She loved him!
kick, kick, kick! ha!
Dropping him off at the airport. A short, but wonderful visit!!
Monday, February 6, 2012
Friday, February 3, 2012
Church Blog: My Turn to Post
My turn to post today on our church devotional blog!
http://companions-at-prf.blogspot.com/2012/02/is-it-really-that-simple.html
http://companions-at-prf.blogspot.com/2012/02/is-it-really-that-simple.html
Wednesday, February 1, 2012
Lily Higgins
My friend Melissa has a daughter, Lily. Lily, at 7, sustained a brain injury last year when she choked on a cough drop. Her 10 year old brother saved her life by performing the Heimlich Maneuver. A hero for sure.
Lily's recovery has been slow and long. But she is making baby steps all the time!
This is her website where you can read more information and if you're interested to help support the family. The biggest thing they need is prayer. Prayer for Lily to continue healing and improving and for Melissa and Todd and Bryce as they live day to day with this new life that they have.
http://www.lilygracehiggins.com/
Lily's recovery has been slow and long. But she is making baby steps all the time!
This is her website where you can read more information and if you're interested to help support the family. The biggest thing they need is prayer. Prayer for Lily to continue healing and improving and for Melissa and Todd and Bryce as they live day to day with this new life that they have.
http://www.lilygracehiggins.com/
Church Blog- A Post by Tres
Our church has just started a new devotional style blog. I thought you, as our readers, would be interested to see what Tres and I post.
So here is Tres' first post! Mine will go up on Friday. Enjoy! I love the way my husband writes. :)
So here is Tres' first post! Mine will go up on Friday. Enjoy! I love the way my husband writes. :)
Sunday, January 22, 2012
The Babies Are Coming...
Back in the fall I decided to share about the fact that Tres and I were embarking down the path of trying to get pregnant via IVF. I posted about it on my old blog, if you haven't read it you should before you continue reading this post.
As I posted before, we went through the IVF process. I gave myself several injections over about a 4 or so week period of time. It continued to be fairly easy to do, well for the most part. It was hard in some ways too. It got very old very fast. I had to give myself injections in the stomach, not as bad as it sounds, but not exactly fun either. I never want to have diabetes...I can tell you that for sure. Also just as I posted, once we got to a certain part of the process I had to go back every 2 or 3 days for more sonograms to measure the size of my egg follicles in my ovaries. And once the doctor said I looked good, we scheduled the egg retrieval.
So in we went, bright and early one Tuesday morning in October. I think we had to be there at like 5am or 4:30 or something crazy early. Ira and Judy went with us too since none of us knew how I'd be feeling afterwards (my first time with anesthesia...). They prepped me, put an IV in my arm and wheeled me down the hall. Once down the hall I had to walk into the OR on my own. They had me lay down on the table in there and the anesthesiologist told me that I would fall asleep quickly. I did. I don't remember anything after him saying that. So, during this procedure they used a big needle to remove eggs from my ovaries. Hence the need to be unconscious...
They had told us ahead of time that the hope is always to get about 10 eggs, and during the procedure they cannot tell how many eggs they are getting--since they're microscopic. Well, next thing I knew I was back in the room I started in, with my family looking at me from the chairs across the room. The doctor came right in and told us we had 16 eggs!! We were so surprised!
After an hour of recovery they set me free. We headed home after stopping for breakfast (bad idea...) and after throwing up said breakfast I went to bed for the rest of the day. I spent the next couple of days pretty sore and not feeling good at all. The second day Tres realized it was probably because of the pain medication that I was still feeling so rotten so he told me to stop taking it and just to take Tylenol. Turns out he was right. Even though the Tylenol didn't take away the pain quite as good, I definitely felt better over all. After about 3 days, Ira and Judy went home since I felt normal again (they'd been doing all of Tres' care) and we waited for the phone call from the doctor to return for the transplant of the embryo's. Out of those 16 eggs they were able to fertilize 14 of them and 13 of those 14 started to divide cells and grow. It's a totally crazy process, and they keep you very updated through the whole thing.
5 days after the retrieval we were called back in to have 2 embryo's implanted into me. It was Tres' birthday! What an exciting day. This procedure was so much easier and I was able to stay awake for it. Tres and Judy came in with me for it (which was so great that they were allowed to) Ira opted to stay out. Haha. Don't blame him. And the doctor talked us through the whole process. We got to see the embryo's on a tv screen (from the other side of the wall) and then the embryologist brought them in and the doctor put them in me. It was just a crazy process. So exciting. We were sent home with instructions for me to do NOTHING the rest of the day. I mean, I was only allowed to get up to go to the bathroom. That was it. And to keep it easy for the next couple of days.
Before going home the embryologist came in to see us to tell us that it looked like 5 or 6 of the remaining embryo's looked very strong and looked like they would be able to be frozen for future use. We left very hopeful and so anxious for the 2 week wait ahead until the pregnancy test.
1 or 2 days after the implantation we received a devastating phone call. None of the remaining embryo's were candidates for being frozen. NONE of them. We had 11 left, 5 or 6 of which were looking strong just the day before. No one had ever prepared us for the fact that we might not have any to freeze. It was only during that phone call that we found out that only about 40% of the time couples have embryo's to freeze. No one had ever told us that before. The assumption was always that we'd have some. It was a very hard blow. Sure, we had two inside of me which we were so hopeful for, but our hope for our "back up plan" or future children was dashed just like that.
2 weeks later I went for a blood test to test for pregnancy. I went early in the morning. And then began the longest day of our lives. Tres came home early from work so I wouldn't be alone all day. I bet you're wondering why I just didn't take an at home test. The doctor had told me that I could if I wanted to, but that it's so early on that an at home test isn't always accurate. He encouraged me just to do the blood test since it's way more accurate. Finally, later in the afternoon we go the phone call we were waiting for. The test was POSITIVE! We were pregnant! We called our immediate family members, and let the select group of friends know who had been praying. We were just beside ourselves.
One of the things that happened during the previous two weeks though was that the entire church found out what was going on. It was innocent, and an unintentional share, but it happened. So although we had the whole church praying and very excited, it was way more people than I wanted knowing at the time.
The next thing that happened on the day we found out that we were pregnant was that it was shared on Facebook. Again, innocent, but not what I would have preferred. But by the time I saw it on there it was too late and I wasn't about to ask them to take down their post.
Of course the Facebook posts were pouring in. Congratulations and excitement. Which is all we were feeling.
That week I had to continue to go back for blood tests. And just 3 days after finding out we were pregnant we got another dreaded phone call. This time from the doctor himself....never a good sign. My numbers weren't rising the way they were supposed to. In fact, he said he was positive that it was what is called a "chemical pregnancy". A chemical pregnancy is when you are in fact pregnant, there is an embryo in there, but something is wrong. It's not implanted correctly or whatever. But he told me to stop all medications that I was taking and to expect to lose the pregnancy. This was totally devastating. Not only because I was going to lose what I had longed for - for as long as I could remember, but all of a sudden I knew we had a bazillion people to tell. Which just made it so much worse. In the moment we didn't tell anyone and we prayed for a miracle. That the pregnancy would start to do what it was supposed to. That was on a Friday.
Sunday morning we were just about to head out the door to go to church, and it happened...we lost the pregnancy.
I so badly wanted to stay home, but I couldn't. I was leading worship that morning and couldn't get anyone to fill in for me so last minute.
I went to rehearsal that morning, unable to say anything to anyone. I knew if I opened my mouth to talk to anyone that I'd just burst into tears and wouldn't be able to pull myself back together. I knew I had to just make it through church and then I could go home and cry all I wanted.
I made it through rehearsal, and when Tres came in for church he took one look at me and said we were going home after the worship set. I'm sure I looked awful.
But first...we had to update the church. Tres had asked me as we were driving to church what I wanted to do about that. Because it had been so public, we had to share the update. I told him that I couldn't decide (obviously) but that he should talk to Greg (our pastor and friend) and the two of them decide if it was appropriate and if so that Tres would be the one to share. So he talked to Greg and they agreed that the church needed to be told, again, just because it had been so public up until then. So after the worship set was over, Tres and I stood up there with Greg while Tres updated the congregation. And then we couldn't get out of there fast enough...
The first day or so was very hard, and then it started to get a little easier. I had ups and downs of course, but I was eager to move on. But I was wisely told by my grandfather to make sure that I allowed all of the grieving process to do it's thing. So I did. And continue to do so to this day, I might add, thanks solely to his very wise advice. I am so thankful for his advice. I've handled this so differently than I would have otherwise. Tres told me that we would move forward with whatever the next step was only when I was ready. He was leaving the driving of that car up to me.
Even before we were married we had considered adoption. As an engaged couple we even attended an adoption conference to gain information and see our options.
So, not too long after, I started looking up adoption agencies. I found a foster agency which a few of our friends have fostered and adopted through and saw that they had a training coming right up in which you could take all the classes you needed to take in just 2 Saturdays! Instead of 6-8 weeks of 3 nights a week, which is the norm.
So we did that, and we did the mountains of paperwork required to be licensed as foster parents. And I'm happy to tell you that as of this moment we are licensed foster parents. Well...we're waiting for the official phone call, but according to them we've completed everything we need to complete. Which is so exciting.
So basically we're just waiting for a phone call now for a baby...it could be this week, or it could take a few months. It could also happen in the middle of the night, so you basically have to be ready to go. Ready to make it through at least your first night. So we are ready!
I will tell you, it's very strange getting ready for a baby that you don't know when it's coming. You don't know how old it will be, or when it will arrive. You don't know the gender (though you wouldn't necessarily know that anyway) but it's all very strange. Regardless though, we're as ready as we can be until we actually get the baby.
And as for continuing healing from this whole ordeal? It's a process. Someone else who went through a miscarriage told me that you never know when it's going to hit. I have found that to be so true. One day I can be perfectly fine and the next incredibly sad. But most of the time I'm totally fine. And am I ready to embark on taking care of a little foster baby in hopes of adopting them? Oh yes, I'm ready for a baby. Am I ready for the risk of loosing them too? No. But who is? Tres and I have evaluated this all at great length, my readiness and our options and we both agree that the timing is right. And we're just praying for God's grace and goodness. That He will give His favor upon this process, at least the first time through. That we might get a baby quickly, who also will be available for adoption quickly. We have to trust in Him. Not only do we not have another choice but who else would we want to put our trust in? Certainly not in ourselves. This is so out of our control.
So, we eagerly are awaiting a phone call for a baby.
And all the while we're praying for a "Sarai-sized miracle" as Tres puts it. God's in control. Anything can happen.
As I posted before, we went through the IVF process. I gave myself several injections over about a 4 or so week period of time. It continued to be fairly easy to do, well for the most part. It was hard in some ways too. It got very old very fast. I had to give myself injections in the stomach, not as bad as it sounds, but not exactly fun either. I never want to have diabetes...I can tell you that for sure. Also just as I posted, once we got to a certain part of the process I had to go back every 2 or 3 days for more sonograms to measure the size of my egg follicles in my ovaries. And once the doctor said I looked good, we scheduled the egg retrieval.
So in we went, bright and early one Tuesday morning in October. I think we had to be there at like 5am or 4:30 or something crazy early. Ira and Judy went with us too since none of us knew how I'd be feeling afterwards (my first time with anesthesia...). They prepped me, put an IV in my arm and wheeled me down the hall. Once down the hall I had to walk into the OR on my own. They had me lay down on the table in there and the anesthesiologist told me that I would fall asleep quickly. I did. I don't remember anything after him saying that. So, during this procedure they used a big needle to remove eggs from my ovaries. Hence the need to be unconscious...
They had told us ahead of time that the hope is always to get about 10 eggs, and during the procedure they cannot tell how many eggs they are getting--since they're microscopic. Well, next thing I knew I was back in the room I started in, with my family looking at me from the chairs across the room. The doctor came right in and told us we had 16 eggs!! We were so surprised!
After an hour of recovery they set me free. We headed home after stopping for breakfast (bad idea...) and after throwing up said breakfast I went to bed for the rest of the day. I spent the next couple of days pretty sore and not feeling good at all. The second day Tres realized it was probably because of the pain medication that I was still feeling so rotten so he told me to stop taking it and just to take Tylenol. Turns out he was right. Even though the Tylenol didn't take away the pain quite as good, I definitely felt better over all. After about 3 days, Ira and Judy went home since I felt normal again (they'd been doing all of Tres' care) and we waited for the phone call from the doctor to return for the transplant of the embryo's. Out of those 16 eggs they were able to fertilize 14 of them and 13 of those 14 started to divide cells and grow. It's a totally crazy process, and they keep you very updated through the whole thing.
Before going home the embryologist came in to see us to tell us that it looked like 5 or 6 of the remaining embryo's looked very strong and looked like they would be able to be frozen for future use. We left very hopeful and so anxious for the 2 week wait ahead until the pregnancy test.
1 or 2 days after the implantation we received a devastating phone call. None of the remaining embryo's were candidates for being frozen. NONE of them. We had 11 left, 5 or 6 of which were looking strong just the day before. No one had ever prepared us for the fact that we might not have any to freeze. It was only during that phone call that we found out that only about 40% of the time couples have embryo's to freeze. No one had ever told us that before. The assumption was always that we'd have some. It was a very hard blow. Sure, we had two inside of me which we were so hopeful for, but our hope for our "back up plan" or future children was dashed just like that.
2 weeks later I went for a blood test to test for pregnancy. I went early in the morning. And then began the longest day of our lives. Tres came home early from work so I wouldn't be alone all day. I bet you're wondering why I just didn't take an at home test. The doctor had told me that I could if I wanted to, but that it's so early on that an at home test isn't always accurate. He encouraged me just to do the blood test since it's way more accurate. Finally, later in the afternoon we go the phone call we were waiting for. The test was POSITIVE! We were pregnant! We called our immediate family members, and let the select group of friends know who had been praying. We were just beside ourselves.
One of the things that happened during the previous two weeks though was that the entire church found out what was going on. It was innocent, and an unintentional share, but it happened. So although we had the whole church praying and very excited, it was way more people than I wanted knowing at the time.
The next thing that happened on the day we found out that we were pregnant was that it was shared on Facebook. Again, innocent, but not what I would have preferred. But by the time I saw it on there it was too late and I wasn't about to ask them to take down their post.
Of course the Facebook posts were pouring in. Congratulations and excitement. Which is all we were feeling.
That week I had to continue to go back for blood tests. And just 3 days after finding out we were pregnant we got another dreaded phone call. This time from the doctor himself....never a good sign. My numbers weren't rising the way they were supposed to. In fact, he said he was positive that it was what is called a "chemical pregnancy". A chemical pregnancy is when you are in fact pregnant, there is an embryo in there, but something is wrong. It's not implanted correctly or whatever. But he told me to stop all medications that I was taking and to expect to lose the pregnancy. This was totally devastating. Not only because I was going to lose what I had longed for - for as long as I could remember, but all of a sudden I knew we had a bazillion people to tell. Which just made it so much worse. In the moment we didn't tell anyone and we prayed for a miracle. That the pregnancy would start to do what it was supposed to. That was on a Friday.
Sunday morning we were just about to head out the door to go to church, and it happened...we lost the pregnancy.
I so badly wanted to stay home, but I couldn't. I was leading worship that morning and couldn't get anyone to fill in for me so last minute.
I went to rehearsal that morning, unable to say anything to anyone. I knew if I opened my mouth to talk to anyone that I'd just burst into tears and wouldn't be able to pull myself back together. I knew I had to just make it through church and then I could go home and cry all I wanted.
I made it through rehearsal, and when Tres came in for church he took one look at me and said we were going home after the worship set. I'm sure I looked awful.
But first...we had to update the church. Tres had asked me as we were driving to church what I wanted to do about that. Because it had been so public, we had to share the update. I told him that I couldn't decide (obviously) but that he should talk to Greg (our pastor and friend) and the two of them decide if it was appropriate and if so that Tres would be the one to share. So he talked to Greg and they agreed that the church needed to be told, again, just because it had been so public up until then. So after the worship set was over, Tres and I stood up there with Greg while Tres updated the congregation. And then we couldn't get out of there fast enough...
The first day or so was very hard, and then it started to get a little easier. I had ups and downs of course, but I was eager to move on. But I was wisely told by my grandfather to make sure that I allowed all of the grieving process to do it's thing. So I did. And continue to do so to this day, I might add, thanks solely to his very wise advice. I am so thankful for his advice. I've handled this so differently than I would have otherwise. Tres told me that we would move forward with whatever the next step was only when I was ready. He was leaving the driving of that car up to me.
Even before we were married we had considered adoption. As an engaged couple we even attended an adoption conference to gain information and see our options.
So, not too long after, I started looking up adoption agencies. I found a foster agency which a few of our friends have fostered and adopted through and saw that they had a training coming right up in which you could take all the classes you needed to take in just 2 Saturdays! Instead of 6-8 weeks of 3 nights a week, which is the norm.
So we did that, and we did the mountains of paperwork required to be licensed as foster parents. And I'm happy to tell you that as of this moment we are licensed foster parents. Well...we're waiting for the official phone call, but according to them we've completed everything we need to complete. Which is so exciting.
So basically we're just waiting for a phone call now for a baby...it could be this week, or it could take a few months. It could also happen in the middle of the night, so you basically have to be ready to go. Ready to make it through at least your first night. So we are ready!
I will tell you, it's very strange getting ready for a baby that you don't know when it's coming. You don't know how old it will be, or when it will arrive. You don't know the gender (though you wouldn't necessarily know that anyway) but it's all very strange. Regardless though, we're as ready as we can be until we actually get the baby.
And as for continuing healing from this whole ordeal? It's a process. Someone else who went through a miscarriage told me that you never know when it's going to hit. I have found that to be so true. One day I can be perfectly fine and the next incredibly sad. But most of the time I'm totally fine. And am I ready to embark on taking care of a little foster baby in hopes of adopting them? Oh yes, I'm ready for a baby. Am I ready for the risk of loosing them too? No. But who is? Tres and I have evaluated this all at great length, my readiness and our options and we both agree that the timing is right. And we're just praying for God's grace and goodness. That He will give His favor upon this process, at least the first time through. That we might get a baby quickly, who also will be available for adoption quickly. We have to trust in Him. Not only do we not have another choice but who else would we want to put our trust in? Certainly not in ourselves. This is so out of our control.
So, we eagerly are awaiting a phone call for a baby.
And all the while we're praying for a "Sarai-sized miracle" as Tres puts it. God's in control. Anything can happen.
Saturday, January 21, 2012
New blog!
So, I thought it was time to start a new blog. One that includes Tres, allows him to post as well if he wants (which probably I'll do most of the posting, but I really hope that he posts too).
Anyway, we'll share our thoughts, what's going on in our lives and with our family.
And maybe this fresh start at blogging will be updated more often than I was updating my old blog. We'll just have to see about that...but I have the best of intentions and a renewed excitement about it.
Please take a moment to add your email address to the right. If it works correctly then you should receive an email when we make a new post so you don't have to remember to come and check it.
And please bear with us as we set this new blog up!
Anyway, we'll share our thoughts, what's going on in our lives and with our family.
And maybe this fresh start at blogging will be updated more often than I was updating my old blog. We'll just have to see about that...but I have the best of intentions and a renewed excitement about it.
Please take a moment to add your email address to the right. If it works correctly then you should receive an email when we make a new post so you don't have to remember to come and check it.
And please bear with us as we set this new blog up!
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